sixteen(:

Friday, February 2, 2007

Recent "Z" controversy has led S.W.A.T. (Shawn Wee And 'The rest') to begin their investigations into the identity of The Masked Warrior Ziggy. The unknown hero, who is an impassioned advocate of vegetarianism has emerged to fight to protect the rights of fat animals, in the light that they are culled to prepare a special Chinese delicacy, called Dim Sum. He yesterday confronted the almost 100% Chinese community of 2T16 on their blog, denouncing their acts of carnivorism and promoting his ideas of vegetarianism. He voiced out against the abuse of pig meat and other ingredients in the preparation of Dim Sum Pows. However, he is alledged to, in the process, have committed multiple offences against the class community in his ardent efforts to advocate his extremist teachings. According to the Administrative Committee of the 2T16 Class Blog, Codename Z has committed "breaches of privacy, interference with politics and slander. (Admin)"

Based on existing evidence, S.W.A.T. has formulated a list of possible suspects:

Suspect No.1: Lau Jia Hao. This multiple offender has been short-listed because of his tendencies to commit criminal acts against unsuspecting members of the class. On many occasions, Jia Hao has been witnessed to have commited THIS ACT, leading to investigators dubbing him 'Lan Jiao' Hao. Jia Hao's criminal sidekick, Yong Wen Gin (Yong 'Wan-king') is also high on the suspect list. He is known to commit a lesser crime known as unrinal barging. Experts predict their fetish for cylindrical body parts, analogous to the structure of cheecheongfan, may likely have progressed to other foods on the Dim Sum Table, namely, pow.

Suspect No.2: Coca Cola DeathGod. Some claim to have seen a manifestation of "Z" in this form. The miniature model is claimed to have expressed pro-vegetarian sentiments. He is known to consume nothing besides apples.

Suspect No.3: Mao Su Su. We suspect this suspect on groundless grounds. Except for the fact that she possesses big, white teeth, efficient for the munching or carrots and other vegetables, and is likely to impose her vegetarianistic views upon the class.

Suspect No.4: The owner of a cute plush toy. This stuffed toy have been found at another scene of crime of another criminal case unrelated to the one of current discussion.

Suspect No.5: This Oil Tycoon has an insatiable craving for Dim Sum. She too is
alledged to have left her markings in a previous crime scene and her love for red bean pows has made her a highly suspicious target.

Further evidence gathered suggests that the undercover offender go by these enormous proportions:
1. CHEST: 39Z cup
2. SHOULDERS: 40"
3. HIPS: 41"

Members of public who spots unattended bulk-gage in MRT trains, wearing Pui-vis jeans should inform MRT staff or call 1900-112-(I-FOUND-ZIGGY).

Lietenent S. Wee, Private Investigator and Captain of S.W.A.T., swears: "knnb ccb. I swear. We will f***ing hunt him down. I swear. Our contingent of colossal giants will FRIKin close in and surround him on all three sides. Then, I swear I will personally come down on him like a fully loaded tray of tau sar pows. There will be NO mercy. There IS no escape. Ziggy, I swear from the bottomless of my belly...YOU WILL smell Dim Sum..."

sweet stuff[: 11:51 PM